A Collection of short Parody Stories
by Charmed Slayer
Summary: The title is the summary
1. 1 The Alyssa Song story

**A Collection of short parody stories! **

**A/N **Its half two on new yrs eve and we're so pissed we thought we'd write this! Mwhahahahaha! 

**A/N2** If you're American we'd like you to know we can spell COLOUR right! 

**A/N3** Can you post fan fic at 3:22 in the morning? 

**1. ****The Alyssa song story **

**A/N4:** the songs are in bold! (Written from Alyssa's point of view) 

**I just wanna be loved by every single god damn person**** in the world. **

I had a dream that I loved myself (was that a dream?) 

**Step By Step** I'm becoming a pain in the ass

**Can You Feel It?** The irritation you get when I'm around

**Destiny** like I have one! 

**Happiness** no one else should feel it but me 

**Give A Little Kindness** to me 

**Be My Baby/Tell Me that you love me** although no one is a good as me 

**Let My Love Show You** that I'm fugly 

**We Need the Children **there's so many! Don't you wish there were loads of little me's! 

**Look In My Heart **you will see, there's nothing good in me 

**What A Feeling **

**Da Doo Ron Ron/Magic In Your Eyes** like I care 

**You Lied To Me** I lied to you first

**The Best In The World** that could only be me 

**Kimi Wa Sunshine Boy **Shannon how could you? 

**Born To Love** Seriously 

**Waiting For My Star **the best one in the sky is named after me

**Straight To The Top** I bet you're looking at my top aren't you? 

Its **No Secret that I stalk people so **

**I Want Your Number please cuz **

Every Single Kiss brings me 

**Closer To You and you know **

**Your Lips Don't Lie you're a crap kisser but**

**Through It All I offer me protection, a lot of love and affection, I'm always right not wrong so **

**Say A Prayer Tonight before I'm **

**Locked Inside A Dream where you can actually **

**Count On Me !!!!!! It's a horrible **

**New Sensation when I have to think about someone else **

**Do You See Me? Of course you do **

**Talk To Me I'm not wearing any underwear but give me**

**One Last Dance so I can proof I'm better than you. You're just a **

**Puppet On A String so I'm going to live **

**Somewhere In Jamaica !!! But I'll be **

**Waiting For Your Love cuz **

If Only 

**Everything You Do you do it for me **


	2. 2 A day in the life of that Mole

**A/N: **This is very short

**2. A day in the life of THAT mole (you know who we're talkin about!)**

Did anyone else realise that Prue's mole didn't exist in 'Something Wicca this way comes'? 


	3. 3 Enrique

**3. Enrique **

(we know he has nothing to do with Charmed but just read it anyway) 

You're my hero, because you don't turn out the lights, which means you can't escape but you know I love to see you cry because you're you be the one. So I will survive!


	4. 4 Strange Quotes

**A/N: We are writing this at 3 in the morning, so don't expect it to be spell checked or anything. **

**4.strange quotes **

Alyssa look over there, oh sorry you can't see past your nose. 

Is it a ghost is it a vampire…no its Rose…in the shadows. 

Shannon you got some chocolate stuck to your face… oh no that's just your mole. 

Why did you decide to wear your doormat to work Julian? 

Lets go skiing on Holly's eyebrow. 

I'm sorry Shannon what did you say I can't hear through that horrile accent. 

Brian did Alyssa nick your wrinkle cream. 

Omigod Piper died…that's never happened before! 

Omigod did Brian just cross his legs! 

Omigod Julian you're getting a bald patch on your head, shame its not happening every where else. 

Holly maybe you're fang would be best suited to Rose, maybe you should do a fang transplant. 

Hey! Rose if you photocopied your chin and your butt no one would be able to tell the difference. 

Fang-que said Holly 

Alyssa did you cut your hair yourself or was it your cat? 

So T.W.King do you have a first name? Is it really bad like Tdtjhrhncfgh? 

So T.W.king (if that is indeed your real name) is that your head or neck they just seem to merge together? 

Kit you're the best, we know you suffered great pain in your sex transplant how could the cast be so cruel, hang on it did include Alyssa. 

Greg is that your chin, or did someone cut off your ass and stick it to your face…if so was it the same person who did it for Rose. 

Alyssa have you checked your forehead for a 666. 

Shannon how are the horse and their egg butt horse balls? 


	5. 5 I hate Alyssa Poem

**5. The I-h8-Alyssa POEM **

Alyssa sucks, just so you know 

I wish she'd fall out a high window 

She's evil and she's really vain 

I want her to feel lots of pain 

If she has no mirror she's not at ease 

She's like a bacterial disease 

She makes CD's yet she can't sing 

Why does she ruin everything? 

She has turned charmed into hell 

Why did she choose this planet to dwell? 

Charmed now has a cheesy tone 

Why can't she leave the show alone? 

First it was Prue and now its Cole 

Ruining the show must be her goal 

Why can't she go and leave no trace 

Then I wouldn't have to see her face 

She irritates the hell out of me 

Why can't I nick her memory? 

Then she won't know who she is 

And then she'll be out of the biz 

Wouldn't that be a dream come true? 

Then if she read this she wouldn't sue 

Cuz she isn't really a powerful witch 

She's a rich and evil, super bitch 


	6. 6 The Phoebe and Cole story

**6. The Cole and Phoebe story **

Phoebe meets Cole 

Phoebe dates Cole 

Phoebe kisses Cole 

Cole is evil…Bummer 

Phoebe doesn't care…idiot 

Phoebe pretends to vanquish Cole 

Cole disappears 

Cole reappears 

Phoebe and Cole make up 

Cole kills…why wasn't it Phoebe?! 

Phoebe and Cole break up 

Phoebe and Cole make up 

Cole is human 

Shit Cole's Evil again 

Phoebe and Cole get married 

Paige turns into vampire…oh wait, that has nothing to do with this 

Phoebe is impregnated with demonic sperm 

Phoebe turns evil 

Phoebe and Cole rule underworld 

Phoebe kills Cole…why wasn't it the other way around 

Baby dies…mwhahahaha! 

Something boring happens 

THE END…or is it? 

A/N That's it for now, Please review we don't care if you flame us!


	7. A few limericks

A few limericks  
  
There once was a bitch from Charmed  
Whose evilness could not be calmed  
She ruined the show  
And now you all know  
I wish she could be harmed  
  
There once was a great big mole  
That had only one goal  
To piss us all off  
Make us laugh till we cough  
Until we chuck ourselves in a hole 


	8. A poem about THAT mole

A poem about THAT mole  
  
I am THAT mole!  
You know, the mole that you can always see  
You always no you can't miss me  
I'm so huge I take up a whole cheek  
I'm here every day of the week  
Cover me up? You can try!  
You'll be so frustrated you might even cry  
Whose mole am I? Can you not tell?  
Whose cheek it was I chose to dwell? 


	9. 101 uses for Alyssa's hair

101 USES FOR ALYSSA'S HAIR  
  
1.To scare away birds  
  
2.To soak up an oil spill  
  
3.To laugh at  
  
4.To practice hairdressing  
  
5.To demonstrate static electricity  
  
6.To clean the blood up after the static demonstration went wrong  
  
7.To blame the static demonstration on  
  
8.To dig your way out of prison after you were blamed for the static demonstration  
  
9.To dig your way out of the mental hospital you've been put in because you tried to dig your way out of prison using hair  
  
10.To scare children in a ghost train  
  
11.To chop up and use as itching powder  
  
12To take the piss out of  
  
13.To tell ships where cliffs are (like a lighthouse)  
  
14.To cure baldness  
  
15.To fight off angry bald people because the cure didn't work  
  
16.To make nests  
  
17.To conduct electricity  
  
18.To fry birds with the electricity you just conducted  
  
19.To create fire  
  
20.To dust  
  
21.To clean the toilet  
  
22.To clean the sink  
  
23.To unblock the sink after you accidentally lost the hair in the sink  
  
24.To stuff cushions  
  
25.To stick inside cigarettes so that they stink  
  
26.To laugh at the person who's trying to work out where that smell just came from  
  
27.To stop the draft coming under your door  
  
28.To clean up when you've split something  
  
29.To graffiti  
  
30.To stick in peoples eyes  
  
31.To make new eyebrows  
  
32.To make wool  
  
33.To use the wool you just made to make socks  
  
34.To give the socks you just made from the wool you just made to someone you can't be bothered to spend money on for Xmas  
  
35.To beat the dust out of rugs  
  
36.To paint walls  
  
37.To put in someone's stew  
  
38.To clean up the sick stains made after the person ate the stew  
  
39.To make rope  
  
40.To use the rope you made to make a bridge  
  
41.To try and pull yourself up the cliff you just fell down because the bridge didn't work  
  
43.To make the strings for a musical instrument  
  
44.To hide behind when the orchestra find out you've replaced all the strings on their instruments with hair  
  
45.To stick ice in to make those bruise you got from the orchestra feel better  
  
46.To make book covers  
  
47.To make camouflage nets  
  
48.To point at when the country you made the camouflage nets for loses a war  
  
49.To make models  
  
50.To build a house  
  
51.To build another house after the house you just made blew over  
  
52.To make toilet roll  
  
53.To hide from the person who used the toilet roll and is now in hospital with hair in their colon  
  
54.To make glue  
  
55.To make a nice handbag  
  
56.To help you when someone tries to snatch the bag you made  
  
57.To attack the person who just tried to take your bag  
  
58.To be your alibi when the person dies of hair poisoning  
  
59.To saw through the bars of your prison cell  
  
60.To make interesting jewelry  
  
61.To decorate your home  
  
62.To make clothes  
  
63.To plant and hope that it grows into a new species  
  
64.To whack the thing that just grew out of the soil  
  
65.To tickle the belly of the thing that just swallowed you  
  
66.To be a bookmark  
  
67.To use as a hankie  
  
68.To read people's future  
  
69.To make a warm blanket in the winter  
  
70.To make horrible itchy uniforms for people  
  
71.To scare people at Halloween  
  
72.To mix with fake blood and smear on the people who didn't give you sweets when you went trick or treating  
  
73.To fly  
  
74.To fall  
  
75.To put on the floor to make people fall over  
  
76.To make a cast for someone who's broken their arm  
  
77.To cheer you up  
  
78.To piss people off  
  
79.To make small toys for children  
  
80.To sell  
  
81.To make rat poison  
  
82.To make candyfloss  
  
83.To sit on your finger and be your friend because all your other friends hate you  
  
84.To argue with when you can't get it off your finger  
  
85.To have surgically removed from your finger  
  
86.To make a doormat  
  
87.To poke people with  
  
88.To help cure poverty  
  
89.To fix your computer with  
  
90.To tickle the person who you had to call to get the hair out of your computer  
  
91.To try and buy a new computer after the old one got smashed over your head  
  
92.To fish  
  
93.To create a cult of hair monsters  
  
94.To sail to an island  
  
95.To build a shelter on the island you sailed to  
  
96.To burn so that someone will save you from the island that that damn hair took you to  
  
97.To eat after no one saves you  
  
98.To stop you getting sunburn  
  
99.To blend in with all the animals on the island  
  
100.To block up your digestive system and kill you  
  
101.To create world peace 


End file.
